I just found reason 4,978 why I know that God loves me.
Lately, I have been having this intense desire to move to a foreign country after graduation. I feel like I just don’t fit in the culture, but really I just want to go far away. This desire bothers me, because it’s not about God and His plan; it’s about me and my plan. This is where God put me. This is where I need to be, at least for now. I thought about missionary work and teaching English, so that I could fit my dream with God’s work. But I realized that God will never move me if I’m not content here. I can’t be selfless across the globe if I’m not selfless here. And I’ll never be a missionary there if I can’t be one here. Still, I have a drive to explore and a desire to move.
There was a second part to my desire that bothered me more. I really wanted the foreign country to be the home nation of someone who would be totally head-over-heels for me. This was the more aggravating of the two parts of my desire, for a couple of reasons. First, there is the problem of finding said foreign guy. Second, right now I feel that God wants me to focus on Him right now and not on romance. Still, my imaginary foreign guy would not leave me alone no matter how often I asked him to leave.
I went down to my school’s prayer chapel yesterday to pray about it and before long, I found myself perusing through the “pray for the nations” guide and finding about the prayer needs of a conglomerate of little God-forsaken European countries that I never knew existed. I wonder if they need missionaries there? I wonder if they have neat accents? I wonder….? Once I had peeled my brain out the book and set it aside, I managed to have some good prayer time about my desires and God’s will. It wasn’t until tonight that I heard an answer.
But our citizenship is in Heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ.
Oh wow. God hears prayer. God knows my heart. My eyes filled with tears. My desires weren’t wrong, they were misplaced. I’m not meant to be a part of this culture forever. I do get to go far away to somewhere beautiful. I do have a Man who is coming for me, who loves me more than anything. He’s faithful, loving, and strong. I don’t know if He has an accent, but I bet you anything that He could pull off a mean Scottish brogue if He wanted to. He’s coming for me, and He’s going to take me away to His country. But for now, my place and my work is here. For now, I am learning to be content and to be a witness. For now, I’m dreaming and waiting… for my Jesus.